When your other half is facing their struggles in life they are not alone;you face your inner struggles too.thats how much youre connected.

— the midnight

Should have bought you flowers when i had the chance

— when i was your man (bruno mars)

Trying your best always seem the hardest

Sleepless nights
Staring in the distance more often
These times are really hard
The plans that are made for two
Are often disrupt by the hard core reality
Im trying my best to be the best supporter
But as much as i try its never enough i guess
And even though then it seems to me more like im annoying
I cried when i watched variety shows
Not knowing why
Maybe its because their stories that touched my heart
Or maybe its because
My heart havent felt this much warmthness at once in a while
Theres walls that are built up now
And i have no idea how to break in to break them down
Sometimes crazy comes up but the truth is crazy only comes up when you truly care about someone when you try your best but you dont suceed thats when sanity becomes insanity.

"YA ALLAH, tolonglah berikan hambamu ini semangat untuk lalui semuanya,berikanlah insan yang aku sayangi ketabahan yang dia perlukan kau cubalah ringankan dan mudahkan perjalanannya meskipun perjalananku yang akan diperumitkan.hambamu ini akan bahagia jika lihat insan yang hamba sayangi diiringi kegembiraan dan kesenangan lebih dari diriku sendiri.insyaallah doa ini akan dimakbulkan olehmu amin."


         every love story thats ever told is so cliche but some so amazing and different it touched your soul. i agree that those movies those lovestruck novels they all corrupt our expectation of love. We always fail to realise how each relationship is always about your own story. not living up to those movies but yet those movies contrast what we actually want to  feel when  being in a relationship in reality.

step 1: i still remember how we started we did not start the way people usually do by asking for each other phone number for the purpose of getting to know each other. Neither was it because of he gets my number through some other random person. We start off by getting each other number because he wanted tuition from my cousin.

Step 2: I dont really fall for him hard like how i do for the rest of the guys that ive been with. In fact when i first find him attractive i told myself that it was impossible and i should let that crush fade.yes, it did fade for a very long while. Until well he starts to notice my existence.that was when it starts.

Step 3: When you start a relationship the people around you get to know and they start to support and tease you. But we started off as being just friends. And even then whats happening between us was just between us.

Step 4: When we first go out i get the jitters and the butterflies just like any normal girl. However, our first outing when we first meet each other was well …different and till now it still feels special to me. I was fascinated by a station name in singapore i was wondering where and how in the world is there a place name ‘dakota’ in singapore it doesnt sound singaporean at all. I was no doubt studying the mrt map while waiting for him. When he arrives, he tap me on my shoulder. I could have just smile and wait for a conversation starter but i started asking him about dakota station. haha yes it was just a cover up for my nerves that was building up  inside of me( his coloured contacts was soooo distracting it makes a plus point in making me nervous.)but most of all  silence is never really a bestfriend of mine.

Step 5: When he first touch my hand it was not any way a romantic move. He touched my hand circling my wrist area with his finger and asking me why am i so skinny. and eventhough to him it may be just a small action nothing big. It was sooooo different for me i felt all tingly inside and i felt all bubbly. Then when we finally started dating when he hold my hand at first he took my hand and lock it with his telling me he likes it when i hold his hand that way. Though i was shocked at his random act i felt strangely more attracted to this guy.i could not really explain why.maybe it was that strange confidence he had it in him or the way he makes me feel secure when he knows more about the world than me.or maybe the fact that i have started to fall hard in love with this guy.

 Step 6: we begin those after school dates and weekend dates. It was all full of any other high school relationship feelings. All mixed into one big huge giant heart. there were the moments when everything felt so right but at the wrong time or the times when it gets too hard. it was a full experience 4d ride into the whole rollercoaster life of a teenager love. I have never felt that way so attracted but yet its so dangerous.

Step 7: random acts. he started to show his affection that makes me feel this is the guy. there was once we missed each other. He was waiting for me and when i arrived he walked right straight up to me and kissed me on my cheek that totally got me offguard. He was not afraid at all to show his feelings for me. He held me by my waist when we were waiting for my bus to go home. He makes me feel safe in those arms of his. I thought this guy he have taught me so much and each day i just fall for him harder. I still remember how when we used to quarrel and he held my hand in his so tightly and wouldnt let me go till i tell him what is on my mind.that guy he was last time was one that was big in his actions. and then i realise one day that he got me. He had won me over completely. I was totally  head over heels in love with this soul.he knows how to move around me. he .. is offically a part of  my life.he brings me happiness.

Step 8:  i laugh so hard. I thought my stomach could not take it anymore. Each time i meet up with him he makes me smile and laugh till my chest begged for me to breathe. He is full of his own jokes and antics. He was so cute in that school uniform of his asking me to stroke his hair because he said girlfriends always do that to their boyfriends. And when i just looked and stared at him as if he has gone crazy he hold my hand and put it to his hair and began stroking. I started laughing so hard.this guy hes cute without even trying! haha and just for that moment i thought i had the whole world right beside me. infront of me. Those eyes that smile. that laugh. the way his eyes crinkle when he smile and it touched his ears. i could go forever staring at that face. 

                            he is now a part of my life.the guy that i cannot really afford to lose.Every single day i miss him. these days i cant seem to fall asleep and even if i do i woke up breaking out in sweat in the middle of my sleep. sometimes with tears in my eyes because i miss him so much. he doesnt understand that its him i fall in love with he is a part of me now and i just want a moment to feel that im not in love alone because lately i really feel that way. But people as we grow. us humans we change and our priorities change. now theres more goals and achievement thats important to him. im not giving up im going to support him in whatever way i can not just because im in love or just because he is my boyfriend or that i miss the past with him well maybe its all parts of why but the most important fact i have learnt is that its because hes a part of me now.


'Youre gone ,hes gone and he took away my soul with him .im gone' -twilight bella


Wanted to go there for the first time and give mooncakes as a gift to them but i realise mid-autumn festive is over.&theres no response so stumbling through this rough patches of maze.

I want to be able to paint you with a beautiful landscape.

           i think i saw you there.the first time that your eyes ever lay on me. the sun did not glisten in the background bathing you in warm sunlight in fact it was all blue. The sky was sky blue. I still remembered how shocked i am that you know me. That set of butterflies in my stomach ,the thoughts tumbling through my mind in a wild set of gymnastic moves i never knew i had.